Monday, January 31, 2005

Mixing Politics and Super Bowls

No doubt many ASZers are going to be sick of my fawning over the Super Bowl "bread and circus" atmosphere this week. So, in a preemptive strike, let me just state that I've been waiting 25 years for this week, and I'm gonna enjoy it. Say what you will. Nyah.

In the spirit of the political nature of ASZ, though, let me offer this today from the Philadelphia Daily News:

10 Reasons the Pats Should Lose

• 1. The Pats, surely the most boring team in professional sports, have drained the fun out of the game and replaced it with machine-like proficiency. It's like rooting for a robot.

• 2. The town's most popular politician lost the White House to the most unpopular president in the history of American politics, and now it wants us to trust it with the Lombardi Trophy? I don't think so.

• 3. New England is a region, not a city. Get yourself a city, then come back and play.

• 4. This is a perfect opportunity to end all this nonsense about a "dynasty."

• 5. Pretty boy Tom Brady, who said he wants to be a U.S. senator someday, allowed himself to be used as a tool of the Republican Party by sitting next to Laura Bush at last year's State of the Union address. At the time, he had never bothered to vote in an election. Super Bowl trophies are not for opportunistic hypocrites.

• 6. Their cheerleaders lack sufficient boobage.

• 7. New England, Old England, whatever - Philadelphia fought two wars to rid itself of the crown, and now we're going to let those Tory bastards walk off with the Super Bowl?

• 8. Their fans are smug dilettantes who never supported the team until it was a winner.

• 9. With a win, Bill Belichick will surpass St. Vince Lombardi's post-season coaching record. If this happens, life as we know it will cease to exist.

• 10. Boston already used up its share of sports miracles.

Wake me when it's over

Belichick must've learned public relations from Karl Rove. He has his team so "on-message" that he prohibits his assistants from talking to the press, lest they stray off topic. The New York Daily News reported that even Charlie Weis, the Patriots' offensive coordinator who's leaving next season to coach at Notre Dame, has been denied permission to talk to reporters.

Meanwhile, Belichick is the most unquotable being in the English-speaking world. Asked about the praise that's heaped on his team, he said, "Criticisms are made. Accolades are given. What I try to focus on is our future opportunities and achievements."

No surprise: As a youth, Belichick was a golf caddy for Spiro Agnew.

Ha-ha... oh, shut up

"In the Senate, the vote to confirm Condoleezza Rice as the next secretary of state was 85-13 in favor. 85-13! No, I'm sorry, that's what the score of the Super Bowl is going to be when the Patriots beat the Eagles."

- Jay Leno