Tuesday, April 12, 2005

For the Bliss-Impaired Among Us

I say "us" because my baby sister and I discovered (while talking on the phone) this morning that there is indeed a name for what ails us. We are bliss-impaired. Let me give a short diagnostic summary ... a profile of how the ailment manifests among non-kool-aid drinkers. Think DSM-IVxxxx. If you find yourself among us "us"-es, welcome. Welcome, welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.

Some Diagnostic Criteria:

1. Wakes up on Sunday mornings in a medium-depression, realizing he/she has less than 24 hours before returning to the cubicle, the retail floor, the office, the truck route, etc.

2. Has ever-increasing intolerance for what is called "news", combined with a morbid fascination for it. Both the intolerance and the fascination may lead to illness of mind and body, including but not limited to binge-drinking, snarkiness with all other human beings, and irritable bowel syndrome.

3. Watches The Daily Show for "news", and plans evenings around the watching. Sometimes person eats dinner during the broadcast.

4. May or may not have sleep disturbances. May or may not have bouts of narcolepsy.

5. Has not enough hands to count the many friends and relatives that have recently begun to screen their phone calls from you.

6. Ideation fluctuates between giving up and hunkering down in a darkened bedroom with mindless TV and junk food, OR giving up and strapping a vest loaded with C-4 to your body and checking out air fare to DC.

The criteria for the Bliss-impaired ailment is limited at this time in order to make room for any additions from the left blogosphere's bliss-impaired members. No one needs to feel excluded, unless they've been tempted by the evil kool-aid.

Rich rich, poor fat.

From Issues Magazine Downward mobility

Downward is Failure

Downward mobility and the Other

See your primary care provider if you have any further questions about this potentially life-threatening ailment.