Friday, September 24, 2004

ASZ Lost and Found Notice

LOST: PIECES OF SKULL, VICINITY OF I-95. BLEW OUT OF CAR WINDOW WHEN HEAD EXPLODED LISTENING TO DONALD RUMSFELD ON NPR.

IF FOUND, PLEASE POST HERE. WILL PICK UP AT YOUR LOCATION.

REWARD OFFERED.

Jeebus, it's like the Freepers and LGFers are feeding Rummy his lines through an earpiece or something:

We had something like 200 or 300 or 400 people killed in many of the major cities of America last year. Is it perfectly peaceful? No. What's the difference? We just didn't see each homicide in every major city in the United States on television every night. It happens here in this city, in every major city in the world. Across Europe, across the Middle East, people are being killed. People do bad things to each other.
The Freepers have been using this line of reasoning for months to justify the violence in Iraq.

Except that I don't remember the Crips or Bloods blowing themselves up in a Los Angeles car bomb attack and killing 40 people at a whack. Or a disabled Bradley APC on Central Ave. in Albuquerque being fired on by two Apache helicopters with multiple New Mexicans (including a KOB-TV newsman) being blown to smithereens. Or police being unable to go into Grand Rapids, Michigan because every citizen was armed with an RPG and ready to fire at the cops, and were occupying the Cathedral of St. Bernadette of the Little Flower.

Steve Gilliard has an even better (albeit longer) comparison.

Crap. I need a drink.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, here's what Ayad "Tony Soprano" Allawi had to say yesterday about the violence in Iraq:

His upbeat message masks the growing violence in the major cities of Baghdad and Mosul and in the tough Sunni towns north and west of the capital.

Speaking in Washington, Allawi said that of Iraq's 18 provinces, "14 to 15 are completely safe. There are no problems."
Ok, I did the math, and gave him 15 of 18 (more on that in a moment), even though the Associated Press is not so charitable:

However, at least six provinces - Baghdad, Anbar, Diyala, Salahuddin, Kirkuk and Nineveh - have been the scene of significant attacks on U.S. troops and Iraqi authorities in the past month. The only areas not plagued by bloodshed are the three northern provinces controlled by Kurds. The situation in many areas, however, is unknown since journalists’ travel is restricted by security fears.
The issue is that the provinces mired in violence are home to 90% of the Iraqi population. So, let's apply PM Allawi's rationale to the U.S. - that would equate to 8 or 9 of the most populous states in America.

For the sake of argument, let's say the same chaotic situation existed in the U.S. as exists in Iraq. Allawi's pronouncement of Iraqi harmony and goodwill would be like me saying, "there's no problem in states like Idaho, Vermont, or Utah, but civil order is a bit untidy in New York, California, Florida, Michigan, and a few other outlier states." And you would be left with the unmistakeable impression that I'd taken the final plunge into full blown dementia.

Oh. And if you do happen to find the top half of my head, please let me know. The neighborhood kids were kind of grossed out when I pulled into the driveway and got out of my car. Well, grossed out in a morbid curiosity sort of way -- they did seem to like the pulsating frontal brain lobe thing -- kind of like finding a dead possum in the middle of the road while they're waiting for the school bus...still, I hate scaring little children.