Friday, August 20, 2004

I Want My RPG

I need a rocket propelled grenade launcher. Shoot, it seems like every two bit gang banger in Iraq has one. But I can't seem to get my hands on the solution to my problem. Maybe I should consult with one of my Second Amendment friends.

Anyway, as I pulled out of my driveway tonight to run an errand, I drove past a local bar within zoning board distance of my house. This place is a den of iniquity - it's the local connection place for anything remotely related to, eh, controlled substances.

Now, I have no essential beef with controlled substances. What I have a beef with is the clientele this particular establishment attracts. Maybe it's just me, but I think that at closing time (2AM), any deals should have been consummated, and there shouldn't be clients spilling out onto the street at full volume. Particularly when I have to get up at 5:30 for work.

In my fantasy, I have access to an RPG. After hours, when the place is deserted, I fire a single round through the front door. The place burns to the ground. The owner gets a nice insurance settlement. No one is hurt. But with my luck --

I get caught launching the RPG. I spend the next 30 years in the company of Bubba. But (at least by 2AM), I can sleep well at night.

We all have our fantasies. I'm sure you have yours. ;-) Since we're fantasizing, who gets your RPG?